working on...

Currently I am wrapping up the "cheeseburger" portion of my idea :)

Visualization Exercise #2: Borders

Today we had our second visualization exercise.  I chose to bring in one of the penguin pictures I am working on.  For this one we had to make different borders on our prints.  I can say with 100% certainty that I don't like the way the large thick borders, no matter the color, look with this piece.  I noticed that a lot of people, in fact most of our class, absolutely hate borders!  I don't hate borders.  I really enjoyed the thin black line border.  I just felt like it really keeps the picture enclosed in a predetermined space.

A bit of reading material...

Currently I just started a wonderful book Janie gave me called, "Writing Down The Bones" by: Natalie Goldberg. I am really excited about this book as it is supposed to show you how to keep on being creative and how to heighten your ability! So far it's great!

So here's what i'm thinkin....

So after many many hours of thought of where to go from being stuck and angry, I finally thought of a new thesis that I would like and am excited to do. While I was reflecting on my past thesis review when Ryan said that I was in a way altering reality, I thought about intentionally altering reality. What I am going to do now for my thesis is take pictures of everyday things, situations, etc, and alter the reality of the photo. I wanted to play with the idea that traditionally, when viewing a photograph, the viewer is likely to assume what they are seeing is the truth and believe that to be a depiction of reality. I really want to play with that idea that this reality you are seeing can actually be an altered, untrue reality. I was brainstorming with what could be representative of a string of a false reality webbed together in a world that is depicting real life, but is in fact definitely not real life. When brainstorming with a friend of mine, who is a professional photographer, he was thinking with me and said "You knit don't you?". (As a side note, because I crochet, I felt it was important to make a correction to him that no, I do not knit, I crochet; I think this is a disease that knitters and crocheters alike possess, in that we are so proud of our needle/hook work that we feel we are against the other side of the spectrum, so knitters will always tell you they do NOT crochet they KNIT and likewise, crocheters will always tell you they do NOT knit they CROCHET.) Anyway, back to my thesis, my photographer friend that I was brainstorming with brought to my attention that crochet would be an excellent representation of a string of falsities knotted into a web of a false reality. What I am going to do is to be crocheting objects to bring into a real life situation so the viewer can see the picture and immediately know that this cannot be what really happened, or what really was there. When I told Janie about this she suggested do the crochet but also try out other avenues too, I think that is a great idea! I am actually really excited to be doing this as my thesis and I have already begun working on it and am just having a lot of fun with it!

Visualization Exercise #1: Sizes

So today was our first visualization project.  For this one we had to have the same image printed in six different sizes.  The sizes were 2*3, 4*6, 7*9, 9*13, 11*14, and 16*20.  I went into this one thinking I would really like seeing the larger versions of my print, however I think I took the sizes too literally in that I allowed my pictures to end up skewed.  When editing the photos in photoshop, I noticed that when I changed one dimension to the prompt, the other would not match, so I unchecked the "constrain proportions" option.  Looking back, I would have rather changed the largest size but have it constrain the proportions so the photo did not turn out skewed.  I really did enjoy seeing how the mood of the picture changes when the overall size changes though.  I really like the look of the photo I used large, but since I am rethinking my thesis, I am thinking I will have to do this exercise again with whatever my new thesis is.  

Still bummed that my bands are no longer my thesis :(

Oh well, till next time....

I don't know anymore...

Today I had my second thesis review. I wanted to go to the computer immediately afterwards to right down the experience while it was fresh in my mind, however I could not bring myself to sit down and write about it because of how frustrated it made me. I thought I would give myself some time to cool off however, twelve hours later, I am still just as pissed.

Currently, I have no idea where I am at as far as my thesis goes. I have no idea what direction I am going in and I have no idea if I am even still doing bands. I would love to do a thesis project on the bands, however, I don't think I will ever be able to satisfy the notion of a concept connected to the photos. I could make one up and just bend to the will and let someone start my concept and reply "Yes that is exactly what I was thinking of doing, you are dead on" and just allow myself to be pushed into any meaning, have things implanted in my brain. But that is not who I am. Currently I am at a bit at a loss as to what I am even doing, which is exactly where I want to be this far along in the game.

I feel mad at myself for making the edits to one of my photos because it unleashed this whole new demon of questioning reality, which is not what I was going for.

I told my thesis committee today that all I want to do at this point is just get through this program to reach my degree. I don't feel like I have some message that I need to get out. I don't regret saying this. I just feel like I am stuck in the middle of an ocean treading. Eventually your legs will cramp, and you will drown.

I was questioned by Ryan in my committee about my "voice" in the art world. I honestly don't feel like I have one. I am not some deep person and that makes me feel incorrect. I feel like I didn't have the "right" answers to Ryan's question. I don't know what the "right" answers were. After my thesis meeting, if I didn't already feel like an outsider in the "fine arts world" I certainly do now.

During my meeting I was questioned why I pursued a degree in DAAP rather than say photo journalism or e-media in CCM. As a senior in high school, all I wanted to do was go to a photography school. After much research of various schools, I found DAAP and saw nothing but great comments on their photography department. I applied to DAAP and only DAAP. My mother didn't like that I was putting all my eggs in one basket and encouraged me to apply to other schools as well. I told her if I didn't get into DAAP, then I was just not going to go to college because the only place I wanted to go was DAAP for photography. I was ecstatic the day I received my acceptance letter to my one and only choice school, DAAP. I do not by any means regret my decision to go to DAAP. DAAP truly has a wonderful photography department and I feel it has made my work one hundred times stronger in learning from their department. I HATE that question "why did you pursuit a degree in DAAP instead of photojournalism?". This question makes me feel unworthy of the wonderful resources DAAP has to offer. I just feel like everything I do in DAAP is "wrong" because it's conceptual value has no intention on changing the world.

Minutes after my thesis review ended, I had my first work in progress review for this quarter of advanced photography. (I know double whammy!) Janie very kindly explained to my group what had just happened in my thesis meeting and told them I am now at a loss of where to go. I agreed with her and the floor was opened for any suggestions they might have. I cannot express through words the gratitude I felt and still feel for my group this afternoon for all of their encouraging support. Stacey Oliver looked horrified when I told them that I feel like I am in the wrong program and told me she thinks I need to do what makes me happy and that by no means does that say I shouldn't be able to do what I love in DAAP and that I should be here and I do belong here. It was extremely encouraging to hear this. Amanda Aton offered a similar experience that she had endured during her undergrad school. I cannot even describe how helpful it was to hear that I was not alone in feeling this way. Suddenly I wasn't so strange.

Everyone in my group mentioned that having thousands of pictures that I now am not sure what to do with is not a failure but rather a stepping stone or building foundation. Currently I am in the process of thinking of what it is I want to do and what it is I want to say. I am sort of playing with the idea of the whole "reality" issue and pondering what it would be like to photograph "lies". I am still ironing out the details though.

Still frustrated, but hoping to move forward

Till next time.....

Just Some Samples...

I have been experimenting with different tonal ranges for my photos. These are five examples of some of the photos.

My Thesis

My thesis is called "Almost Famous Friends". I know that many times when we fall in love with a band we begin to worship them and see them as god-like creatures. I am privileged enough to personally know several band members and am constantly reminded that they are just normal human beings who happen to be in a wonderful position. They goof off like regular people, they have fun like regular people and they enjoy everyday things just like regular people. For my thesis I am going to try and show this notion of these "rockstars" just being normal people. I am going to be mixing pictures of them in action being their rockstar self at the concerts and then I am going to show everyday pictures of them being normal people. I hope to show both the fun and impressive behaviors to these individuals.